I should start by explaining that “bee-arruh-arruh” is how you spell “brr” when you are laying on your Southern accent with a trowel. This was a favorite remark of my father’s when he would come in from a cold day, or when he would head downstairs to stoke the fire. During the winter of my second-grade year, for a few mornings in a row, the temperature went into the single digits. My teacher told me that, while young ladies should always wear dresses, it would be ok for me to wear pants underneath said dress. That was no doubt a big relief, because I can just see my skinny little legs freezing and snapping off.

Today I am in Fairbanks, Alaska, and the temperature, at 11:00 a.m., is a cool 26 below. Being from Craig, down in the banana belt of the state, I hear a bit of “how do you like the real Alaska?” And to that I say, “hmmpf!” I would not choose to live here, because the cold makes my hair fly away, while in Craig the moisture in the air is better than hairspray. Also, Fairbanks gets crazy hot in the summer, while Craig is a balmy 80 on our hottest days.

Make no mistake, I love being in Fairbanks. I will soon be sneaking outside to snap some pictures, and if I can get a good angle, I will demonstrate how it is almost midday and the sun is about half an inch above the horizon. Also, I include below some documentation to back up my claim about the temperature. From today’s date, I will be spending another three weeks in a small community northwest of the city, and in preparation for this adventure, my husband took me to Big Ray’s and got me a really skookum coat. I can walk outside with no sweater underneath and be warm as a sweaty slice of toast. The nice young woman at Big Ray’s told me that no layering would be necessary with this coat, and boy, howdy, she was not kidding. Add a pair of snow pants, a giant fur hat, a face mask, some double-insulated gloves, and a pair of faux-fur lined boots, and I’ll be a walking hot flash regardless of the weather.

I have upon occasion been accused of being a mammal, i.e., warm-blooded, i.e., able to regulate my own body temperature from within. I’m just glad I don’t have to try it in my skivvies.