Apples are the canines of the fruits-and-veggies world. Bear with me while I sort this out. For the sake of argument, I am assuming that wolves were the first canines, and the domestication thing started when one of these wolves crept in from the cold, tacitly agreeing to help out in exchange for room and board. From that day to this, we humans have done quite a number on the canine species. Consider the juxtaposition of the Newfoundland with the Teacup poodle, and somewhere in between, put the “pipe head collie,” a creature driven half mad by the bony constriction of its brain. (The one collie we owned for any length of time went further out into the country, with an even bigger acreage to run in, after it bit a neighbor in the face).

Of course, we did all this selective dog breeding in the name of practicality (dogs to distract bears, dogs to kill rats), protection (the German Shepherd, much scarier when referred to as an “Alsatian”) and vanity (who doesn’t want a dog to carry in one’s purse?), while we genetically modified apples into a staggering variety of tastes and textures to suit our taste buds. Of course, our relationship with apples is also a commodity exchange because, evolutionarily speaking, the apples want us to eat them. I can almost see it: a band of weary hunter-gatherers, wondering if they could maybe settle down, when suddenly they notice a lowly crabapple that has taken root near their campsite. . .

When I was growing up, we had a small orchard of Winesap apples, which I do not currently see anywhere in the stores. The apples were firm and juicy but were so sour that eating them raw would make your eyes water (my brief google search identified the Winesap as a primarily “culinary” apple, meaning add lots of sugar). But eat them we did, perched high in the trees, and throwing the cores at each other with familial affection. In the fall, we laughed at the hornets getting drunk on the fermented remnants. We used our wooden apple press to make cider, which over time would develop a gentle kick. We also had a modest amount of fun encouraging each other to say, “apple tree, apple tree, apple tree” over and over and faster and faster, until for some reason it would start to sound like “tree apple, tree apple.” Try it sometime if you are bored. Maybe it’s a Ouija board effect.

These days my husband and I prefer Fuji apples, a Japanese-developed cross between the inconstant Red Delicious and a Virginia variety that is not the Winesap, while we like our dogs of the sturdy mongrel variety. While I fully understand that I will never hear from the American Kennel Club, I modestly await my promotion contract from the apple folks. In the meantime, please excuse me. A thinly sliced Fuji with globs creamy peanut butter is calling my name.  

Fuji Apples Information, Recipes and Facts (specialtyproduce.com)

Apple – Winesap – tasting notes, identification, reviews (orangepippin.com)

Alsatian VS German Shepherd | Differences & Similarities (germanshepherdfamily.com)