Basketball jones

When I first heard the term “Basketball Jones,”* I figured it could mean one of two things: either it was a fanciful name for a guy who likes to play, or it was a descriptive phrase for a great yearning to play basketball around the clock. Since I didn’t know which, I took the only reasonable action: I asked a fourth grader. He assured me that the correct definition of the term was the latter.

I experienced my first basketball jones as an eighth grader, when my very athletic cousin Mary talked me into trying out. I wasn’t in very good shape, so during the tryouts I just ran around panting and nobody really passed me the ball. The coach, a young woman with blue eyeshadow and many dangly bracelets, did not call my name after the tryout scrimmage was finished. The next day she called me up during science class and, having obviously had some time to feel bad for me, offered me the opportunity to join the team. I played my heart out in every game, and thus improved my physical condition by a large margin, although nobody really passed me the ball and I consequently never scored a point for the entire season.

The next time I touched a basketball was to work up a skit with my sister Laura, my cousin Mary, and my shirt-tail** cousin Jean in which we impersonated the Harlem Globetrotters. The purpose of this activity was for some kind of talent show, of which I can recall no other details whatsoever. We called ourselves the Powhatan Droptrotters, and the PA played “Sweet Georgia Brown” while we ran around missing many of the shots that had worked so well in practice. Or maybe that was just me.

Enter a long dry spell. I was too shy to pursue basketball in high school, and my athletic activities trended toward tennis, ping pong and riding a nut-bar horse.

I didn’t actually pick up a basketball again until I was a teacher and was obliged to “teach” P.E. Often when we played team sports, I was called upon to step in and even up the sides. We also played “Horse,” and many years later, while doing some long-term subbing after my second retirement, I learned to play “Bump.” I’ve actually got some moves, if you’ll just chill out and give me some space to plan my strategy. There’s a dollop of the feel-good hormone every time one makes a “nothin’ but net” shot, also known as a “swish.”

My most recent experience with basketball came during my year at Twin Hills, Alaska as principal/teacher, on the eve of my third retirement.

Out of an instructional staff of six, I was the only teacher (mind you I was the next-to-the-oldest) who would regularly play with the two high school girls. We played Horse a lot, and sometimes the custodian (who doubled as a classroom aide) could be convinced to join us and we would play two-on-two.

I’m sure the ladies who refused to play were just too shy, the way I used to be. I am also sure that there’s a Basketball Jones in all of us, and all he is waiting for is an invitation to come out and play.

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For your further edification:

*“Basketball Jones” comes to us in the form of a song in the movie “Space Jam,” starring Michael Jordan, Wayne Knight and the Warner Brothers Toon Squad. Good movie!

**A shirt-tail cousin is a distant relative or one related by marriage. Jean is my cousin because my great-uncle married her great-aunt. Probably nobody cares about this tidbit. But I can also expound at some length at what it means to be once, twice, or three times “removed” from one of your cousins. Anybody? Anybody?

The Original Harlem Globetrotters | Harlem Globetrotters

Sweet Georgia Brown – Wikipedia

Listen to “Sweet Georgia Brown”:    Bing Videos

How to Play Horse (the Basketball Game): 11 Steps (with Pictures)

How to Play Bump – The Best Basketball Conditioning Game – Old Man Game Tips

9 Comments on “Basketball jones

  1. Sheryl is a second cousin. Our grandmothers were sisters. So her dad and our mom were first cousins. Thus Sheryl’s children are second cousins once removed and her grandchildren are twice removed. I remember the Droptrotters. Heehee

    1. I am glad I am not alone in keeping the cousin-classifying lore alive! You explained it very succinctly; Mrs. Rogers would be proud.

  2. I would have loved to play basket ball in gym, but the best basketball player made it her goal to keep me away from the ball. So I would spend the time walking around the gym floor as my friend told me the latest Star Trek episode from the night before.
    I want to hear your explanation of cousins, once, twice, thrice removed, 1st, 2nd, 3rd.

    1. Was that the same chick that said, “Don’t run my hose”?
      Ahem: Mary already gave a good description of the cousin thing, but that never stopped me before.
      To wit:
      James and William were brothers. (James is the great grandfather of our cousins Catherine, Jean, Pete, and Mary), and William is the grandfather of us). James’ daughter Jean and William’s son William Jr were first cousins. Jean’s daughter Kitty and William Jr’s daughter Evelyn were second cousins. Kitty’s daughter Catherine and Evelyn’s son Jon are third cousins.
      Now, the once removed part! Since Kitty and Evelyn are second cousins, Kitty’s daughter Catherine and Evelyn are second cousins once removed. Catherine’s son John and Evelyn are second cousins twice removed. Evelyn and John’s daughter Shelby are second cousins thrice removed.
      Aha! When I next see you I shall draw you a color-coded diagram.

  3. So when Shelby has children they’ll be four times removed? Remember our grandfather William Sr didn’t get married until he was 44 grandmother Byrd was 21. They were having children while his 5 brothers were getting grandchildren. They were doing their part to confuse the next generation. Hah!!

    1. Yes, Shelby’s kids will be second cousins four times removed to us. Our grandparents were a lowkey version of Bogey and Bacall, huh?

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