I also debated entitling this offering “Help me, Honda.” Ah, but I do love me a good pop culture reference, loosely disguised as a literary allusion.

But I digress already.

When I made the somewhat hare-brained decision to suspend my retirement benefits and come to Twin Hills as “Principal/Teacher,” my first order of business was to purchase a four-wheeler. In some parts of the world, these critters are known as all-terrain vehicles (ATVs), while here in Southwestern Alaska, due to the preponderance of a certain make, they are usually called simply “Hondas.”

My Honda, lovely girl that she is, I named Olive. My choice reflects her subtly beautiful paint job, which is the finest civilian rendition of “government green” I have yet to see. Almost all the Hondas in Twin Hills are this color, with an occasional red one showing up like a male cardinal among his ladies.

I have occasionally pondered the emergence of the term “four-wheeler.” What an odd way to differentiate this craft from other modes of transportation. Do not most personal-use, gasoline-engine vehicles have four wheels? Of course, there are motorcycles and eighteen-wheelers out there, but still, four seems to be the norm.

Then I remember an earlier iteration of the all-terrain vehicle that had three wheels, sort of like a giant, over-powered tricycle, that you don’t see much anymore. I recall news articles and consumer reports decrying these vehicles as highly likely to flip over if the driver were to execute too sharp a turn. I can picture this conversation:

Me: “Mom, Dad, I have decided to purchase an all-terrain vehicle for recreational and transportation purposes.”

My parents: “Surely, you don’t plan to be zipping around on one of those crazy three-wheeled things! You could die gruesomely in a rollover accident.”

Me: “Oh no. I’m going to get me one of those four-wheelers.”

Which, at the tender age of sixty-three, is exactly what I have done. And I do love my girl Olive! I have become addicted to the fresh air, moderate exercise, and “getting-away-from-it-all” vibe that she offers. Not to mention that she takes me out to look at stuff like this:

What’s not to like?