“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” These wise words, which I had heard more than once growing up, did not occur to me as I observed my son and nephew, ages five and eight respectively, happily playing a board game according to rules they had invented.
The game, called “Pen the Pig,” was an offshoot of the more basic game known as “Dots.” In the game of Dots, you create a rectangular grid of dots on a piece of paper. Players take turns drawing a straight line between two of these dots. The player who fills in the fourth line of a particular square can place his/her initial in the box and claim it as a point. In Pen the Pig, the players build pig pens, and the player who places the final side on a pen gets to place one of his little plastic pigs inside. It is, you see, a competitive game that allows for last-minute steals.
The boys, however, were merely taking turns as each built his own pens. When one player completed one of his pens, he placed a pig inside and then cheerfully turned the next move over to his cousin. They were building pig pens side by side, two mild-mannered farmers living at peace with each other and the world.
What bit of madness, perfectionism, masochism, or whatever, drove me to explain the written rules to these two gentle creatures? Within moments of adopting this new approach, they were yelling and crying and accusing each other of cheating.
How many times, I wonder, have I stepped into a situation to try and improve it, or get people to at least do it right, and wound up upsetting the apple cart? I am reminded of that Christmas when I was about five, and I got Gretel, a doll representing the youngest Von Trapp sister, as a gift. I was intrigued by her tightly spiraled braids that looped around her ears; so intrigued, in fact, that I took them down so that I could see how they were done. I planned to give her hair a thorough brushing and put the braids back. However. . .that day was more than fifty years ago, and while I still have Gretel, she has never regained her intricate, beautiful braids.
It really is hard to know when things need fixing and when they don’t. Perhaps the thing to do is take a second look, and then a third, at a given situation before deciding what, if anything, needs to be done. I believe the physicians promise to “first, do no harm.” That’s an approach we might all do well to adopt.
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For your further edification:
Pen the Pig | Board Game | BoardGameGeek
Great story, great lesson! I love it. A corollary: as I get older (70 now) and imagine I have vast experience of the world, I have more and more opinions about how things are properly done. I work very hard (and often unsuccessfully) to stay quiet at watch to see how things work out when people tackle tasks in ways I think are wrong. And I think back over the years about the grandparents and parents that sat around the fringes of our gatherings and talked amongst themselves. I wonder what they were talking about?
Hi, Terry, and thanks for your excellent comments. I imagine they were talking about how to know when to jump in and when to let the kids figure it out on their own!
Oh, Evelyn. It was a normal and also kind thing to do, to teach the boys how to follow rules, so they would have less trouble in school. A very cute story to remember, but it also had a happy ending. I told the cousins that there might be homemade chocolate chip cookies for two boys that could get along. Presently 5 year old nephew appeared in the door of the kitchen, saying, “We are getting along much better now.”
And I can just see his precious little face when he said it! Thank you for reminding me about that part.
Excellent post, Ev.
I too muse on whether my help is actually helpful.
Thanks. Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing at all. 🙂