Author’s note: I participate in a program that takes a holistic approach to health and weight management. In a recent conversation with my coach, she encouraged me to imagine a conversation with the chocolate almonds that I find so hard to resist. Here’s what landed on the page.
Cast of characters:
EVELYN: a lady of a certain age
NELLIE: Evelyn’s inner elephant, who wants what she wants
THE GHOST OF THE CHOCOLATE ALMONDS: a wily tempter
Scene: EVELYN’s kitchen late at night. She is standing near the counter, looking at a large plastic jug of chocolate almonds. NELLIE and the GHOST are standing at her left and right shoulders respectively.
GHOST: You can just have one or two.
EVELYN: You know I have a hard time doing that.
NELLIE: How about one or two bowls full?
EVELYN: Hush, Nellie, please. Ghost, why do you torment me like this? I should just go back upstairs.
GHOST: But you won’t, not until you have a bite of the creamy delicious crunchiness that is my signature candy.
NELLIE: Why take a bite when you can have the whole tub full?
EVELYN: Hush Nellie! I gave you that Haagan Daas bar this afternoon!
NELLIE: It was delicious! More please!
EVELYN: Ghost, what is it that your chocolate almonds do for me?
GHOST: They take away sorrow and worry.
EVELYN: How do they do that?
GHOST: The sweetness and creaminess and crunchiness make you forget all about everything bad.
EVELYN: But that only lasts for as long as I am actually eating them!
NELLIE: So what? Just keep eating, and you’ll never have to feel bad again, ever.
EVELYN: Nellie, you know that’s not true. If I just keep eating I will feel sick and miserable and I will gain weight, which means you will too. And I will still have my worries. (NELLIE hangs her head and whistles softly through her trunk.)
GHOST: So not my problem. I’m all about the short-term solution. Crunchy sweetness is better than feeling your feelings.
EVELYN: No, I don’t think it is. So here is my plan. Nellie, you can have a small handful of the chocolate almonds, but only after we both think for a little bit about what has been bothering us and make a plan for dealing with it.
NELLIE: Ooooh, I love to think for a little bit and then make a plan! Let’s do the counting meditation thing!
EVELYN: OK.
(EVELYN sets her phone timer for five minutes. She and NELLIE sit cross-legged on the floor and meditate: breathe in, breathe out, count one, etc. GHOST stares at them in dismay, drumming his fingers and starting several times to say something. They ignore him. The timer alarm goes off.)
EVELYN: I feel better, what about you?
NELLIE: I feel better too. I already had ice cream today, so can I have my chocolate almonds tomorrow?
EVELYN: Sure thing. That’s my girl.
(EVELYN and NELLIE leave the kitchen, arm in arm, while the GHOST stares after them in dismay.
GHOST: When those two work together, I haven’t got a chance.
Source of cartoon: elephant eating candy – Bing images
I know you have heard this story many times, but maybe some of your readers haven’t! Mary, a dental assistant, was explaining to us that in order to save your teeth, if you have a sweet snack in the house you should eat it all at once rather than nibble on it all day. Evelyn responded with “I knew there was a reason to eat an entire bag of oreo cookies at one sitting.” I was repeating this story in the lab, and Trey, a surgical resident, after hearing what my sister’s comment was to Mary’s advice, said, “I like that sister!”
Good times! When you have a Hershey’s syrup sandwich, I suppose you should also eat that all in one sitting. 🙂
Did you know there truly are recipes out there for chocolate bread?
Chocolate bread sounds like cake, I think.
But made with yeast.