I have a black cat with white feet named Socks. Don’t judge me too harshly; I had no choice. A few months before she came into our lives, we had adopted a black dog with white feet named Boots. So it was either Socks or Mittens. Anyway, I was busy trying to gently explain to poor Boots that going upstairs was not the same thing as going outside (that particular trick became known as a Boots-ident), and I didn’t have time to get creative. There has been some nomenclatural evolution during the years Socks has lived with us: Socks-brat, Socks-ident, Socks-identally Speaking. . .you get the idea. My other cat, the dear departed, I named Digby after a character in a book* that I admired myself for having read.

When I was growing up, we had an ongoing dynasty of cats and we delighted in coming up with weird names for them. My showcase piece is the tiger-striped kitten that I named Anthracite Bituminous. My sister Mary explained that anthracite and bituminous were two kinds of coal. I misconstrued her meaning. As in, the next time she sneezed I asked her, “I wonder if you have anthracite. Or maybe bituminous?” Anyway, little Anthracite Bituminous experienced a magnificent procession of nicknames, to whit: Anthro, Affo, Fo, Fo-Fo-Fidget-Britches, and finally, Fidget.

Family and friends have kept the flame alive. Great-uncle Brooks never settled for the names we gave our dogs. Whiskey the golden retriever was Sooner, as in, “He would sooner do one thing than the other.” Mowgli (I didn’t know who that was) became Gusdolphous Adolphous, Gus for short. Huey Long (I didn’t know who that was either) was most likely a mix of basset, beagle, and dachshund. He became, in the words of a family friend, “the damnedest-looking dog I ever saw.” Mary named her skunk Dallas and her cat Graymalkin (she was gray, after all, and cranky). Sister Laura has many cats, each with a better name than the last. My favorite to date is the orange and white one whose full name is Pumpkin Pie with a Dollop of Whipped Cream, Dollop for short. (Dollop, incidentally, may be the meanest cat that ever lived.)

And me? I keep a running list of potential names: Merp, Abner Snopes**, Doris or Marsha (only if it’s a boy)***. Or maybe Gusdolphous Adolphous.

*Beau Geste by P.C. Wren.

** “Barn Burning” by William Faulkner.

***Sweet Silver Blues by Glen Cook.