When I was a kid we had this old propane stove that worked fine, albeit without the benefit of pilot lights. Starting the burners was no big deal; you just held a match alongside while turning on the gas. The oven/broiler was a horse of a different color. You had to open the broiler drawer, strike a match, hold this match between your index and middle fingers, and stretch your arm all the way back under the burner to where the pilot light should be. During all this you had to turn on the gas. Timing was crucial. If you waited too long, your match would burn out before you could get the burner lit. Too early, and the burner would start up with a terrifying whoosh. I once met someone close to my age who had no knowledge whatsoever of this process, and I did have to question where and by whom she might have been raised.

Anyway, we made toast with this oven by placing the bread in the broiler drawer and trying not to forget about it. If we left it too long, we would have to spend a portion of time scraping the charcoal into the trash before our toast would be edible. Sometimes, we made cheese toast, which had to be watched even more closely. It’s hard to scrape the charcoal without damaging the yummy melty cheese.

I don’t think we ever got a toaster at our house, but of course I have used them as an adult. The most painful burn I remember getting came from a toasted pop tart. Did you ever wonder why the frosting doesn’t melt in the toaster? The answer is, because this icing is actually food-grade napalm. I got the burn by pulling my pop tart out of the toaster and getting icing smeared across three of my fingers. It burned and kept burning while I desperately tried to scrape it off; I had huge blisters and kept an ice pack on my hand for most of the day. (As far as pop tarts go, my fondest memory will always be having a two-pack of cold ones with my lunch at school. A cold pop tart can’t hurt you.) Unless you have some very fancy kitchen appliances, toast these days is a tame affair. Except for cheese toast. You still need a broiler for that.