“Now, everybody pay attention. You put the flat end into the buckle, then pull on the loose end to tighten. To release. . .”

            Oh, how many times have I heard this speech? When flying from Ketchikan to Anchorage, which is something I do with some regularity, I hear it no less than four times in one trip. I think about Tommy Boy (from a movie I used to watch with my kids until they got old enough to start understanding the jokes) and what he had to say. To paraphrase, he suggested that anybody who doesn’t know how to operate an airplane seat belt should be hit over the head with a tack hammer on account of being a person who is not smart.

            But what about small planes? Some of those little guys have seatbelts that are truly high tech, with shoulder straps and all. In such cases the pilot always gives you a safety spiel, but he doesn’t mention the seatbelt unless he sees you struggling. I don’t need a briefing per se, but it helps to have a little extra time to figure out which part goes over my shoulder and which part over my lap.

           There’s also that one time that I never did find my seatbelt. This was in a plane that holds six people with three of them squashed side by side in the middle seat. It was the dead of winter, and everybody was dressed in snowpants, boots, gloves, heavy coats and the kind of hat that makes the world go quiet when you put it on. I think my seatbelt was under the well-insulated behind of the person next to me. This person was glaring at me and pointedly speaking Yupik to her friend, so I decided to not go rummaging around in the vicinity of her rear end. We made the half hour flight without incident, and I let the Yupik-speaking ladies get out ahead of me.

         And what about seatbelts in cars? I never wore one as a child, since they were just becoming a thing and not everybody trusted them. Now, of course, my little car throws a riggin’ fit if I even try to drive to the post office without buckling up. Beep. . .beep. . .beep. . .BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP. . .until I pull over and do as I’m told.

            I do know that sometimes the seatbelt can cause a person to be trapped in a wrecked car, but I also know that seatbelts save more lives than they take. These days I feel almost naked without one.

       The metaphor is obvious, isn’t it? Go, by all means, and have your adventures. Just be sure to stack a few cards in your favor first.