I’ve got to kick this addiction to my media devices. Here’s an example of the depth of my pathology. First I check my email on my phone. (Periodically I remove the email app from my phone, but I always put it back promptly.) Second, I go to my laptop and check my email again, in case somebody emailed me in the last few seconds.

Then, since I don’t have my work email on my phone, I turn to my other devices. (I have to enter my personal email password before I can set up my work email on my phone. I don’t remember this password. I have it written down, but I never think about adding my work email to my phone when I am at my desk, because I can access said work email on both my laptop and my desktop.)

Anyway, I look up my work email on my laptop or my desktop, or both. Then I check my personal email again in case somebody has emailed me in the last few seconds.

Occasionally, I see a message in bold face and I get a fleeting rush of dopamine. This, even when it’s a reminder about a cancer treatment appointment.

People who struggle with this madness often complain that their electronic devices are always demanding their attention. For me, it’s the other way around. I spend a great deal of my time trying to wring attention from my devices. Sometimes I catch myself entering my password on my phone, even though I have already (in the last few seconds) checked every avenue by which somebody might reach out to me.

If I can’t conjure up a personal message, I read the advice columns on google. This often has the effect of making me feel better about my own life. Occasionally, when I get sucked into reading something over again (by means of a different headline) one too many times, I start reading “AITA” on reddit. Now I don’t have an account on reddit—I don’t even know how to get one—but somehow I keep getting excerpts on my google feed. Many of the posters are A’s.

Or, when this passtime grows thin, I often turn to YouTube. Sometime we will talk in depth about my addiction to Supernanny.

It’s hopeless, you say? I will never be anything but a drooling button-pushing minion of Big Tech? Hah! There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and that light is reading. Yes, actual books, made of paper and glue. In the last little while I have read Dr. Zhivago, Prince of Foxes, and assorted tomes less memorable. Currently, I have embarked on The Heart is a Lonely Hunter. As you can see, I have not yet begun to fight.