When I was much younger I was very scared of spiders. I would have fits of terror and disgust, even
though I would never hurt one. They must all be carefully relocated. Mama was scared of them too.
Once on a visit home I was upstairs tending to Baby Helen, and I heard Mama walking up the basement
stairs presumably with a load of firewood. I heard her shriek. I didn’t carefully place Helen in the crib
and go to rescue her. As I told her later I knew it was a “spider shriek” and she said Yes, a very
impressively sized one was riding up the steps on her arm. Aunt Kathy, Mama’s sister, while visiting, put
us a bit in our place, when she came running to see the latest found arachnid in the house, Oh, let me
look and be horrified!
If I may digress a moment, the most interesting spider related happening I remember was when I was
walking barefoot across a meadow, and a trap door spider lunged out of her lair and grabbed my heel.
What’s got you, What’s got you, young son Landon implored in alarm. These types of things did not
make it easier for me to interact with spiders.
Fast forward to my approaching retirement years, when I decided to learn ballroom dancing. This was
something I always wanted to do, but figured I was too klutzy and people would laugh at me. The one
invitation in high school I received to attend a dance I turned down, because I knew I would be laughed
at. In fact, Mama knew better than to sign me up for Cotillion, because I would have run off to live in the
woods before I would face the humiliation of no one wanting to dance with me.
So, I began taking ballroom dancing lessons. I was encouraged to begin participating in showcases and
competitive dancing. For my first showcase I was so terrified I was aware of nothing else but trying to
remember the steps. Sister Mary tells me that the audience was cheering me and I did all right, but I
don’t remember hearing a sound, not even the music.
I participated in a couple of dance events and felt that I was getting more confident. Then I signed up for
the biggest event of them all, the “Freddy Ball”. While waiting for my dances to begin I began thinking, I
don’t belong, what am I doing here. I became panicked. My heart began pounding and didn’t settle
down for an hour. For my first three dances I could hardly remember anything but the most basic steps.
The one minute heats felt excruciatingly long.
Then I texted Sister Evelyn and Daughter Alice, and they texted back encouraging me. Evelyn made me
laugh. I began listening to my instructors, trying little things like longer steps, frame, posture, and all the
practices starting coming back to me. I began enjoying myself as well, and improved as the day went on.
So, you may well ask, what does dancing have to do with spiders? There is a bit of fear that during the
next event I will have another panic attack. I am remembering Mama’s response once, when I was
waxing loquacious about my fear of spiders. She said, I think it is possible to think about spiders (or
stage fright) too much, and be more afraid of them than necessary.