Perimeter check. Armed with only my gloves, a pair of pruners, and my tiny chainsaw, I set out to search my yard for plants that don’t play fair. Of which there are several.

If I were to conduct a contest for the Plant-that-is-the-Biggest-Pain-in-the-Neck, the following, I believe, would be the winners. I will include photographic evidence to back up my claims.

First Place: Salmonberries. I have devoted considerable space herein to discussing the wiles and beguilements of this tenacious plant. Suffice it now to say that the salmonberries have a huge, fungus-like network of roots that go under my entire yard, and probably under the house too; and that they spend their time waiting for an opportunity to put up a sucker plant in a place that I might not notice right away. Hah! I’m on to you, salmonberries.

Here’s a salmonberry shoot about a foot inside my fence. It wasn’t there two days ago:

These salmonberries are trying to break down my fence:

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Second Place: Alders. Alders are one of our few deciduous trees in this area, and they grow thick and fast. They especially like cleared spaces. If you look at a forest hillside and see a line of alders snaking amongst the evergreens, you will know that you are looking at an abandoned logging road. Alders also love my yard. If have heard that if you let a few of them grow they will put out a chemical of some sort that discourages the seedlings. This seems to have worked in the yard behind the house, but behind the trailer is a different story. I guess the alders we left to grow there are not big enough yet to assert their dominance, because every year we are obliged to dig up hundreds of tiny new trees. Anyway, if you get the alder seedlings when they are tiny they are easy to uproot. From there you graduate to pruners, then loppers, then Lady Gardener chainsaw, and finally to Granddaddy chainsaw. Get’m while they are small, I always say, because if you turn your back for more than a minute they will be thirty feet tall. 

Baby alder in my yard. So cute and tiny:

Left untreated, an alder tree will do this:

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Third Place: Willows. Truly, these guys are radioactive. Many years ago when we wanted to build a hedge, I got some willow branches and stuck them at intervals along the fence. In about five minutes we had a huge, nearly impenetrable willow thicket. Whenever I trimmed the branches, I loaded them immediately into the truck and headed for the burn pile, because I was pretty sure that any scrap left on the ground would soon be a new tree. Gradually, we have reduced our hedge down to one semi-manageable tree, but I am still careful with the clippings.

Here’s that last remaining willow after its haircut last summer:

And here it is now:

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Honorable Mention: Wild Roses. They keep trying to set up shop in my strawberry patch, but otherwise I have no real complaints.

This rose is being clever by having its leaves the exact same shade as the strawberries. Nice try, rose!

Everyone is welcome in my yard. They just need to quit playing Dog-in-the-Manger.