That’s the question the second grader asked me. I paused, scratched my metaphorical head, and asked her to use it in a sentence. “You know,” she said. “Like, I woodna done that if youda said not to.” I of course seized the teachable moment and explained that woodna was really two words if you didn’t […]
Category: Musings about Language and Life
My version of “what’s it all about anyway?”
Adventures in the grocery store
On a recent trip to the store, I demonstrated personal growth by going back to get a cart. Our grocery store is a two-minute drive (or a ten-minute walk) from my house, so I go there frequently to just get a few things. Maybe it’s because I go there so often, combined my natural tendency […]
Of fireweed and Albus Dumbledore
During my recent dental visit, the hygienist expressed concern about one of my teeth but indicated that it did not pose an urgent problem. “My guess is it will last you another forty years,” she said with a smile. Without much conscious thought on the subject, I replied, “I don’t imagine I’ll be needing it […]
All pets go to heaven
My niece Helen was quite young when one of her family’s beloved cats died. When her mother, my sister Laura, tried to explain what had happened, Helen became very thoughtful and said, “he must be licking butter off Jesus’ table.” What a heart-squeezingly beautiful image this comment conjures up. More recently, someone suggested to me […]
Some people’s kids
I don’t have to stick my head very far out my door, or very deep into cyberspace, to hear something about today’s generation of kids. The gist of the argument is that kids these days are whiny, spoiled little milquetoasts, whose parents have failed in their sacred duty of toughening them up. I hear things […]
Living off the fat of the land
I tend to feel just a little bit smug when I pick berries, especially now that I am being so all-fired mindful about it. At this time of the season—late July—huckleberries and blueberries are out in force, and the thimbleberries are not far behind. A friend shared a genius life-berry hack, in which you clean […]
Miniature horse verses pony
I know I spelled “versus” wrong, but bear with me. This deliberate misspelling comes from how I used to laugh when my kids and others would start up a video game and one would say to the other something like this: “Here’s where Sonic has to verse Knuckles.” Anyway, what’s all this about miniature horses? […]
In which I mindfully don my painting clothes
I use “don” in the sense of “don we now our gay apparel” in which “don” means put on (clothing, etc) and “gay” means “festive.” “Don” is a perfectly fine word. It only had one job, and it did it well. Why our living language chose to drop it and replace it with the rightfully […]
Lights out
How do you knock a person unconscious? Movies make it look so easy and convenient. I’ve actually lost consciousness twice that I can remember. One time, I was about twelve and my friends and I were playing a stupid and dangerous game. We called it Blackout. What you did was you breathed hard and fast […]
You big bully!
There is, apparently, a large portion or our brains that thinks we still live in caves and chase gazelles with sharpened sticks. Such a paradox we are. I’ve heard it said that even depression serves, or rather did serve, a critical function in the run-and-hide period of our history. The rationale goes like this: the […]