In recent years I have suffered mildly from a scratchy throat, and a feeling of recurring glumpiness that comes with any attempt to swallow. This bit of health-related aggravation is known in medical circles as a \u201cglobus sensation,\u201d and apparently there is nothing whatever to be done about it except to avoid certain foods and try not to get so stressed out about things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
One time I got so irritated with Mr. Globus that I scheduled a comprehensive exam of my esophagus. This involved drinking a barium concoction while a doctor observed my innards on an X-ray machine. Now, the doctor was nice, and he reassured me that there was no sign of the big C, but he didn\u2019t have any solution to my dilemma other than what I mentioned above. However, <\/em>while observing my annoyingly innocent swallowing mechanism, he said something in medicalese that translates something like this: \u201cHoly cow! Look at your neck!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with my neck?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYour vertebrae are severely degraded!\u201d he told me. \u201cAren\u2019t you in terrible, terrible agony?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhy no,\u201d I said. \u201cI take a big dose of acetaminophen twice a day, and I hardly notice.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cHmmm,\u201d he said. \u201cI can\u2019t think when I\u2019ve seen a neck in such bad shape.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh,\u201d I said, sharply envisioning an episode of internal decapitation and subsequent confinement to a wheelchair with a breathing tube attached. \u201cSo, what should I do?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh,\u201d he replied breezily, \u201cas long as it doesn\u2019t hurt there\u2019s nothing to worry about. I\u2019m surprised that it doesn\u2019t cause you terrible, terrible pain, though.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nothing to worry about? When you use the term \u201cseverely degraded\u201d about the bones that protect my spinal cord, I get anxious, pain or no pain. Apparently, he was right, though, because several of his colleagues shared his reaction: amazement at my wretched condition, coupled with a gentle reassurance that there was no cause for undue concern. No fair, I think. Everybody else who has neck issues gets multiple surgeries, a fancy brace, and copious outpourings of sympathy, whereas I get, \u201cwell, you are indeed a hot mess, but just take your aspirin and you\u2019ll be fine.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I have a similar situation with my poor feeble hands. I have been instructed to wear special wrist braces at night, to stave off the effects of carpal tunnel syndrome. (Obligatory digression: I feel a slow burn when someone says proudly, \u201cI have carpal tunnel!\u201d It goes through my head to say crisply, \u201cYes! You have exactly two carpal tunnels, one in each wrist! What you are trying to say is that you have carpal tunnel syndrome, <\/em>which is a thickening and narrowing of the carpal tunnel due to overuse, which in turn constricts and damages the nerves that run through it.\u201d But nobody wants me to say that.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Anyway, I have long known about the wrist braces designed to ease the symptoms of carpal tunnel syndrome, but I only recently learned that these braces should be worn at night. Doing this really does help, even if it\u2019s not a perfect solution. Nobody wants to operate on me for this, either, thus yielding me yet another missed opportunity for gaining sympathetic attention. Apparently, my hands aren\u2019t going to fall off, and neither is my head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n